you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
