Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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