Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
