I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
