i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He passed out mid-signature
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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