I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
