In America we eat man semen.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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