I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
