no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
