so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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