You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
