You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
