I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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