she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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