I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
