last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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