So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
