Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
