I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
