this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
