My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
