is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
