oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
