I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
