i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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