You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
