You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
