Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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