ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
