Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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