Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Terrible idea I love it
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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