Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
