im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
