To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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