i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
