if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
