she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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