The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
