he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
