You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
