overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
