You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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