please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
