I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
