apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
