Ambien. No doubt about it.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
is it fun? or sober?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
