one two three fourrrrnication!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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