Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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