I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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