Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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