Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
